Thursday, October 12, 2023
I am so sorry for your loss.
I don't know anyone else in Steve's family, other than his brother Mike, who I was acquainted with, and whose house I was visiting when I met Steve. At the insistence of a mutual friend, Ronnie, who I ran into as he was going to visit with Mike. He encouraged me to go with him, even though I had just left from there not 15 minutes ago. I was told about Mikes twin brother and how neat it is to be around the two of them together. Not only because they are identical, but because they were as much different as they were alike. I was intrigued.
Shortly after we arrived, Steve came inside and an interesting group of people were now engrossed in one of the most interesting, and perhaps, intellectual conversations I can recall ever having. The topic was "fate" or "destiny", and whether or not it is changeable. To this day, I cannot recall the name of the book Mike just spouted off, "it's called 'The Hand that.....'" in response to Steve and I pondering as to why things will always seem to shift back to a certain path, no matter what. That's what's to be is what's to be and the universe will make adjustments to ensure that destiny is had.
Then the topic was music. Steve's favorite, I think. It seems as though everyone in that room had strong feelings and connections more with music than any other sort of art form. Destiny. I left there feeling fulfilled or satisfied with having an enjoyable evening with stimulating conversation.
Steve and I talked occasionally via social media, mostly with messages that were songs that he or I enjoyed, and may have felt that perhaps the other did not know. Also, sharing moldy oldies was fun. I definitely expanded some on the music I listened to after knowing Steve for a time in this manner. It didn't hurt that he was as much of a die hard rocker as I was.
Finally, I asked what he did for a living. To that, he says, "I'm glad you asked me that and I'd love to tell you about it soon. Next time we talk." I basically dared him to try to sell me on some pyramid scheme. He made some jokes and then told me his job title and some of what that entailed.
Wow! How many times in life do we meet people that are just very interesting?!
Mostly, it wasn't difficult to talk with him about anything. He and I both had some things in our personal lives that basically stayed off limits/off topic, probably because we were just trying to be friends and not trying to gripe about our situations. Escape from ourselves and other dramas outside of the friendship we had. Just to have someone to share some laughs with, more than anything else... therapy without therapists, or patients, or woe is me's hijacking the conversation.
I know I didn't want to ruin any decent conversation with sore topics. Perhaps it was mutual.
What I found, after some time, was that I had developed a real friendship with an extraordinary person that was based on actually communicating and getting to know one another. And quite accidentally, if you will.
Steve and I never saw each other after that first meeting for probably a year. I just happened to luck out and log on to messenger when one night when he suddenly found himself with an extra ticket to see Aaron Lewis at he Saenger Theater. I almost didn't catch the invitation, so he had to ask a second time if I was interested, telling me I literally had 15 minutes to be ready. Somehow, I was ready in time.
It was a great show with the BEST company to see the concert, followed by a really good time with a few beverages, a couple of appetizer plates and finally a steak at McGuires. And Steve was a perfect gentleman. Distracted by something or someone maybe on his phone for a moment, but it wasn't a problem. It was the first time in a very long time I felt like an actual person, a friend to another person who had no expectations nor did he ever treat me in any manner besides with complete kindness and respect.
I knew Steve for about 2 1/2 to 3 years, and sadly, was not able to spend very much time with him over that period. But when he and I were in each other's company, it was always a good time filled with great music and great conversation. Steve became one of my most trusted friends. Someone who could always make me laugh. Who may not always have understood things I was going through, but never turned away his ear, or his shoulder when I needed one to cry on. I loved him dearly for his genuine kind heart. His unconditional friendship. His quick wit, taste in music, boyish antics in creating a little chaos here and there.
I wished I could of been the friend to him that he was to me when he was struggling with the loss of his brother. I know that I could never know what something like that feels like. I know that it hurt me to see, when he let some it show, that he was in such enormous pain. I wanted so badly to be able to take that away, as we all do at times for someone we care about. I can take comfort in knowing that those two are likely causing their unique chaos up there together, and at least he is happy again. As is Mike.
I will always miss you Steve. I'm sorry our lives kinda got in the way when it came to hanging out more, but I am so grateful that you were in my life when I needed you the most. There will never be another.
Until we meet again, I'll remember you with a smile on my face. I'm a better person because I knew you.
